All the ways we love: Alternative Relationship Styles
Preparing for relationship therapy is hella intimidating when you’re doing it for the first time. For folx who are in relationships that exist outside the narrative of a “normal” relationship, it can be downright terrifying.
At Essence of Healing, I’m committed to offering every relationship a space to find the healing they need while embracing love in a way that’s authentic to your relationship. You don’t need to meet any type of prescriptive idea of love and relationships to deserve that.
Let’s talk about some alternative relationship styles that might make seeking relationship therapy overwhelming. Today we’re identifying what they mean for those within them and those curious about what exists beyond the binary.
For all the ways we love, these are just a few.
What does it mean to be in an “alternative relationship”?
For the sake of this space, let’s focus in on relationships that are traditionally romantic, intimate or sexual in nature. I want to bring our energy to the places where we are most vulnerable and give us some language to talk about those relationships we may not be ready or able to explore in a broader context.
Most relationships are expected to progress steadily according to a standard social script called the Relationship Escalator. This analogy describes the progression from casual dating to intimacy and toward a committed and shared life through the ages that people expect from us in our relationships.
In contrast, an alternative relationship is anything that breaks that social script in any way. Let’s look at those script breakers more closely.
Choosing not to cohabitate is alternative
Living together is a milestone for many couples but that doesn't mean it has to be for you and yours. When cohabitating isn’t the vibe for you, there is nothing wrong with choosing something different. If you and your partner(s) opt not to share a living space or to establish separate homes well into the relationship, you are making a choice to break the relationship escalator in a different way.
There are a number of reasons you may find that having your own space is ideal for your relationship. If you and your partner(s) have different needs from a space like needing different levels of organization or having opposite work schedules, you may find living apart helps your relationship stay on track. For partners with caring responsibilities of children, family members or other loved ones, you may live apart to support that role.
Long-distance relationships are also alternative
From work commitments to personal aspirations, there are many reasons that you may find yourself navigating a long distance component to your relationship. This alternative relationship style is rooted in the distance between yourself and your partner on an ongoing basis.
Reasons that may have many miles woven into your love vary from things like deployments to re-assignments, educational or research commitments, and even family changes that bring you to new spaces. Exploring the shape of your relationship across state or continental divides can offer new opportunities to connect and communicate with more intention while bridging the gap between you geographically.
Asexual and Aromantic relationship styles
Some intimate and committed relationships aren’t tied to sex or romance at all. Despite this, asexual and aromantic relationships signify a beautiful dedication to the kind of commitment that works for the people within them. Defining these alternative relationships will be focused on communicating clear boundaries and creating a fulfilling relationship based on the parameters you establish together even when you aren’t seeking sexual or romantic intimacy with your partner.
In queer communities, these relationships may be held by folx who identify as ace or aro, shortened terms of the sexualities that most commonly enter into these relationships. For reasons of parenting, community and connection, folx who do not identify as queer may also find ace or aro relationships appealing for a myriad of reasons.
Alternative relationships come in many forms and may develop for different reasons but they all have one thing in common. If your relationship(s) fulfill you and support you as well as those you share them with, they are valid. You do not need to fit anyone’s idea of a relationship to be deserving of support and love within your most intimate spheres.
Essence of Healing is currently accepting new clients looking for a journey of healing, love and understanding within themselves and their relationships.
