This is the Isolating Truth About Anxiety

You do not always need to be a Strong Black Woman, but you might feel like you do. It’s a shitty and unfair expectation that’s been put on us through societal pressure and an expectation that we bear the burden of discomfort, so others don’t have to. When that pressure manifests itself as anxiety, the feeling of being alone and utterly lost can become isolating. 

Let’s talk about it. 

There’s more than one kind of anxiety 

When you think objectively about anxiety, what do you picture? Do you identify anxiety as palpitations and panic? Does it live only in a world of racing heart and dizzy uncertainty? 

Anxiety wears many hats and can present itself in many forms. From the things that trigger our anxious experiences to how we feel inside when anxiety is present, there’s no prescriptive or correct way to be anxious. 

You might be “what if” -ing yourself to exhaustion or mad as hell at every little thing. Anxiety might feel like a change in reactivity: maybe you’re crying over forgetting a fork for lunch, or scary-calm when you lose hours of work because you forgot to hit save. All of these can be a part of anxiety, and none of them are wrong if we see ourselves in them.

It’s lonely even when you’re not alone

While it can be comforting to know that all these ways you feel anxiety are normal, it can also be isolating. Anxiety is unique for everyone, which means that even when we have the shared experience of having anxiety, we don’t share the way we experience anxiety. 

Feelings of anxiety can make it difficult to connect with others. Symptoms like restlessness, insomnia, uncertainty, avoidance of social situations, and/or a lack of confidence may strip us of the opportunity to connect even when we want to. 

Women and Black folx often have our anxiety silenced

If Black Girl Magic means strength and overcoming, what is it called when we need to be soft? Are we allowed to be soft? Black women are inordinately depicted as needing to be strong to be worthy. We are strong, even when it becomes detrimental to our ability to show the incredible softness within us. More often than not, the messaging and belief is that we must be strong, we must push through. 

Black Girl Magic is meant to be a motivational phrase that encourages us to move forward and through the obstacles that occur in life. It’s meant to bring us through the challenging moments; and instead, it becomes a way to silence our anxiety or softness. You may feel pressed back into this requisite of strength and what was a badge of honor becomes a construct of oppression.

It seems our value has somehow become correlated with our strength, as if that’s all we can be. So as we sit, stewing in anxious exhaustion, overwhelmingly uncertain, what happens next? We’re here, responsible for everything, as we try to show up for ourselves by reaching for help that motivates us but never really helps. Seems like a system designed for us to fail. I know this experience all too well.

Implicit bias is amplifying your anxiety 

Black folx and Black women, in particular, have been strong in times of struggle because we felt we had no choice. We felt this way because we often didn’t, and through this, the exploitation of our strength has created a state of emergency for mental wellness decline across the country. 

This bias that Black folx owe the world our strength and that these things are synonymous is damaging. While it's easy to give the language to identify that, it’s not as easy to stop its impact on you. Overcoming implicit bias is often a part of inclusion training; not a simple fix. It is so much easier to exploit Black Magic to avoid the discomfort of altering this status quo that creates space for this anxiety. 

Yes, we are strong, but we are so many things beyond that: soft, funny, confident, brave, passionate, tender, puzzling, powerful, and vulnerable. You are a whole ass person. We are whole and complete, and it is not our responsibility to be strong for other folx to be comfortable. 

Let someone sit with you 

You are not weak or lacking when you struggle to seek support, even if you know you need it. You are not weak for being anxious or for having these feelings. What you are is incredible, because even now, you may be looking for the validation you deserve, or are seeking support you need from a friend or even support from a therapist who knows what it’s like to feel anxious and alone. 

Yeah, you read that right. Therapists feel anxious too, and I know when I’m sitting in my anxiety and feeling my feelings, the push for solutions doesn’t help anyone. You don’t need to have the answers now. Just know that there’s support available when you’re ready.  If that takes time, so be it.

The best way to fight against the disempowerment of anxiety’s isolation is to keep noticing it. Observe how you feel, how you feel it and where it comes from. Take notice and know that there’s already power you can take back right now - and there’s not a damn thing anxiety can do about it. 

When you’re ready to take the next steps, a free consultation may be the baby step you need to take despite anxiety. Schedule yours here!